“…I think I’m in love with Italian food.”

I shouldn’t be watching The Office┬áthis late at night. It just makes me long for someone to come into my life. The relationship Jim and Pam have makes me so happy; I just wish I had someone. I’d like to be comforted. I guess I’ll just have to wait.

 

Seriously though, where is my special person who makes me smile?

back home

The last time I wrote I was at home. I feel that it’s only suitable to write again now.
When I was at school, there were a lot of times where I had thoughts that I wanted to write about. Sentence by sentence stories. How I felt about the production of ‘Hamlet’. Ideas. Realizations about myself. But every time I sat at my computer, it was to do homework. Never to write here, never to write the ideas in my head.

When I’m at school, I feel like the life is sucked out of me. I never used to feel like that. I just feel like whenever I’m at school, I have to hide myself. All I want to do is be by myself and sleep. I don’t even want to talk to the majority of my friends because I don’t feel like I can trust them anymore.

When you find out that what you thought were private conversations weren’t, how are you supposed to react?

Me: Oh, no, that’s totally fine. Don’t worry that you hurt my feelings. That I feel like not only can I not trust you (my roommate), but I can’t trust my friends as well! Perfect.

Roommate: No problem! I’m just going to pretend we never had this conversation. ‘Cause we had our big fight, so let’s just sweep that and all the issues we have under the rug. Glad you’re cool with this.

I hope my withering sarcasm can be felt through that dialogue. I just don’t know how to handle betrayal. I’ve never felt so ‘stabbed-in-the-back’y. It’s just incredibly frustrating.

The only way I could escape was to go to my secret hiding spot. Which I couldn’t even go to during finals week because I was so stressed with doing my final papers. It really sucked, because I missed my cozy hide y-hole. At least some of my finals involved painting. I could go and disappear in the art building for hours.

Should I want to disappear for hours? I don’t know. I feel like I should want to spend time with my friends. But I guess I really don’t. Hopefully over the summer I’ll heal. Otherwise I don’t know how I’m going to live in an apartment with them next year. Thank goodness I have a new roommate. I’ll have to fill our room / apartment with all the cute things I’ve made / bought at garage sales / thrifting.

I’m really excited to go thrifting. :3