discord and chaos

Where ever I go, I always feel like I’m surrounded by chaos. I never can relax. There’s always something more to cause discord. Ugh. It’s extremely frustrating. I need someone to balance me out. Because I’m sick of the drama.

I hate knowing that I have to go back to school tomorrow, and I’m not even excited to see my friends. I’m only really excited to go back because I’ll be able to throw some vases and bottles. I just don’t want to go and feel like an intruder in my own room. Because that’s how I’ve been feeling of late. I’ll probably go to my secret hide-out and write. I was inspired on my bike ride today when I saw ducks flying in the sky.



Whenever I do art stuff, I like to imagine that I’m someone famous in the past / future. I was glazing the inside of my tea bowls the other day, and I just felt connected to those old tea masters in Japan that would take care of all the tea stuff. It was a weird experience. That’s why I’m such a nerd, haha.

I finished my unstretched canvas painting the other day too. It ended up looking like a galaxy halfway through, so I started using that as inspiration. I love how it turned out. Hopefully it’ll still look awesome when it’s dry and I come back on monday.

I wish I could just do things like this instead of worrying about my dumb senior seminar next semester. The art department hasn’t messed up my schedule yet! I wish I wasn’t so far away from school so I could come in and throw some bowls and stuff. Before I left I threw a really nice cylinder combo that will look like a grecian amphora when it’s connected, but I can’t decide if I want to go to school and connect it or not. Gas is expensive, and it’s 45 minutes away. That’s roughly four hours, and I’m feeling really lazy. I’d much rather laze about and play FFX. And maybe finally beat it. (Although it would be a lot easier if my PS2 wasn’t on the fritz…)


I’ve been obsessing over a kind of old t.v. show that I used to watch in middle school/high school. Now that I’m at the end of the series again, I’m remembering how sad I was that it ended! I’m living that depressing, I-wish-it-wasn’t-ending-why-did-they-stop-it?!?! feeling.

I suppose that I should actually mention the show at this point, before I’m swept up by the hurricane of nostalgia. And typhoon of wishing. Or something as equally dramatic. I’ve been feeling like that a lot lately. Right. Show.

It’s ‘Charmed’. And it’s chock full of all the things I want right now/have always wanted. Sisters. Magic. Love. Haha.

Sorry that basically anything below here will be a spoiler. Not that I expect anyone to suddenly have a desire to watch it or anything.

I’ve always wanted sisters. That’s why I’m super jealous of the relationships of Prue/Piper/Phoebe and later Piper/Phoebe/Paige. And it’s especially awesome that they’re women who kick-ass. I think I have what’s defined as a “girl crush”. I think you can admire people, and it’s perfectly fine.

I’ve been thinking a lot about how they all find love at the end, and I guess I’m also in that depressed mood of: where’s my CoopHenryLeo?? Augh. But! Their waiting eventually ended with good relationships (and yes, I know they’re not real, but I hope everyone gets my point). So my mopinghopingwondering leaves me with the thought that eventually it will happen for me too! Ideally. Or a demon could kill me. Good thing they’re (hopefully) not real. But you kind of wonder sometimes….


I love their hair. They look super happy too haha. I’m sure this image is copyrighted or something…no infringement intended!

But yeah. I guess they inspire me. Work hard, live well, and you’ll get good things in your life.

I love how I’m taking life lessons from a t.v. show. Hey, sometimes you just relate more to fictional characters than real people, ya know?